Take Yourself Seriously
I had a pretty powerful experience last night while deep in a very healing meditation. I asked for healing around my blockages to success in the Light and got a lot more than just that… I got a lot of understanding around where my fears of success come from.
I tried really hard to pin point where the pattern of self-sabotage started. I pretty instantly got brought back to my 5th grade classroom. I remember my teacher telling me that I was a smart girl but she thought I would never try harder than what was needed to just get by. What a fucked up thing to tell a kid huh?! I am sure there was some validity in it however, as I had never really cared about getting good grades or anything. But I think that that statement stuck with me in a much deeper space than I ever thought. I never took school seriously. I never took my jobs more seriously than I needed to to not get fired. I never took myself very seriously… and all I wanted was for people to take me seriously!! BOOM! YES! So much of what I did as a young adult was to get attention and to have others validate me and take me seriously… but I guess I never took myself seriously to begin with. It has been a pretty reoccurring issue in my life that I will put 110% towards something and then slam on the breaks. Sort of like I have seen the potential of my will right in my face and then got super scared of it and ran away. But why?! That, I am still working on. But, I believe that my fear of success is really a fear of being totally and completely responsible for myself and my life. When we are creating our reality in totality, we can’t play a victim role. If you try your hardest for something and you don’t achieve it, it hurts much worse than just blaming your circumstances for not even trying. Fortunately, I am violently outgrowing the pot of “victim of my circumstances”.
I was given the message over and over again in my mediation last night: “Take yourself seriously!” Which is very counterintuitve to the way I have chosen to view life over the past…10 years?! I have always thought that people shouldn’t take anything too serious, especially themselves. That we should all live in a playful and silly world and lah lah lah lah…. sure. We should all have fun and be joyful. But I think I was leaning way too far into the realm of “not giving a fuck”. I also thing that the word “serious” has been synonymous in my mind with “stern” and “boring”… which it’s not! For some reason now it seems to sound more like “reverence” and “pride” and “respect”. I have never really taken myself or the work I am here to do too seriously, cause to be honest, it’s big, intimidating, and powerful stuff! But how can I expect to make an impact on the world without being taken seriously? And how can I expect others to take me seriously if don’t even give myself that respect? THIS IS SERIOUS! THIS IS IMPORTANT!
I am vowing to whole-heartily believe in myself and my work from here on out.
-Written by Danielle LoPresti